Most days I always have some place to be, whether its swimming lessons, school run, hospital appointments, ballet class, baby massage, shopping…..it’s relentless so I was very excited that I had a rare free day this week. I was lying in bed feeling quite smug that I had a whole day to spend at home relaxing (yes you kind of have an inkling I was wrong)..
The baby was up all night coughing and sneezing so off we set to the Doctors the next morning. I don’t have one of those normal Doctors Surgeries where you can rock up and get to see a Doctor, noooooo, I instead have a cattle market to attend. It opens at 8.30am but you need to be queuing outside from the crack of dawn. When it opens everyone is issued with a number and depending where you rank in that queue determines how many hours you will spend trying not to breath in the air of every cough, splutter and every infectious disease going. It is hell. Throw into the mix spending these hours there with a baby and you have just set yourself up for one epic nightmare morning. This of course would just be the start of my day from hell.
I raced down to the surgery at 8.15am thinking there wouldn’t be too many people queuing as the weather was resembling a scene from the Wizard of Oz, Mother Nature was seriously pissed that day. I was number 30! these people must have camped outside from some ungodly hour just to beat everyone to the pip. I get my number, race back to my car, drop my little girl to school and race back again in time to give our name. After enduring an hour or so of trying to use my body as a human shield to protect my baby from being practically breathed on it was our turn.
Afterwards, absolutely starving I nipped into the bakery and had some breakfast in the car whilst I waited on his prescription at the chemist. I threw out the rubbish only to then discover my car key fob would not work so I had to open the car with the actual key on the drivers side and then open the other door to put my baby in the back seat which then set off the alarm WHICH WOULD NOT GO OFF aaaaaahhhhhhhh. Totally drenched and using some choice words I set off to the car dealership.
On my way into the Service Reception I threw some money into my coat pocket along with my keys. A few minutes later i’m told I probably need a new battery for the key. I stick my hand in my pocket to get some money to pay and discover there is a hole in my pocket and everything has fell to the bottom of my very long coat. Of course the baby decides this is the perfect time to start screaming. I’m standing there trying to stick my hand through the hole into the lining to fish everything out when another guy announces its not the battery he will need to recode the key which will take about 45 mins. Coat defeating me I throw it onto the seat and lift the baby up. He’s hungry and I have no choice but to whip a boob out in front of a pile of men in the Service Reception, they didn’t know where to look, but hey, needs must, the baby is hungry and I shoot them all a look daring them to challenge me.
After he is all fed I started to look in the changing bag for his new medicine, digging around for it I have the slow realisation that its not there and the horrible feeling its in the bag of rubbish that I have thrown out earlier in the bin outside the shops, in the torrential rain. Crap. Then another big horrible realisation is that the engineer was calling back today between 12 and 2pm to finish repairing the tumble dryer and I’m stuck in the car dealership trying to get the stupid key fixed. Double crap.
My little bundle is looking up at me with his big gummy grin waiting for his mummy to have a meltdown right there. How I managed not to burst into hysterics I’m not sure, if you didn’t laugh you’d cry. I pull myself together and before I know it the mechanic is standing telling me they can’t recode the key I have a leak in the passenger side footwell which is letting water into the convenience system which is causing the communication problem. Quoting me more than an all inclusive week’s holiday to the Caribbean I say its ok I will take it to my local mechanic. Standing looking at me in fear I will whip out another boob or have a mental breakdown he tells me no charge and practically ushers me out the door.
Does the drama stop there? Nooooo course not. Just to add to my amazing day my local mechanic discovers an oil leak. I abandon my car with him, call a taxi and set off home to shut myself away from the world for fear of anything else going wrong only for the bloody engineer to call to repair my tumble dryer, tripping the electricity twice and managing to lose part of my hoover (seriously).
I am admitting defeat people and going into hiding until this Groundhog Day is over.
If you are looking for me I shall be in a corner with the largest chocolate bar imaginable, glass of wine and watching re-runs of Real Housewives for the foreseeable future.
P.S. I didn’t have to scavenge in the bin for the medicine, it had fallen down between the seat and the door in the car. Alas a silver lining.