I should have known I was geared up to have a disastrous day when I left my house to be greeted by my car covered in bird shit. There must have been a flock of Pterodactyls flying over to cover it. Ok maybe not pterodactyls, but the neighbours attic seems to be infested with birds, reminder to self – tell neighbour to move their bird sanctuary. Disgusted I got in my car and carried on with my day. Or tried too.
Oh before we carry on can I mention I literally had no sleep. In fact I think it was minutes. The little man didn’t go to sleep until 11.30pm the night before, then woke at 1.30am and that was him for several hours, crawling up and down the bed, crying, unsettled and head-butting his cot, whole performance. Do you ever get so tired you just want to cry?
So we head for the school and on the way back I’m stuck in traffic because of some numpty workmen who think it is justifiable to start digging holes in the road for no reason in rush hour traffic, where there is already only one lane of traffic because of other numpty workmen – who all seem to have to gather round a cone, doing nothing, whilst one person jumps down a manhole (the point in this I will never know). Meanwhile my little darling is arching his back in his car seat in an attempt to break free, whilst screaming at the top of his lungs (I swear it was like a demon possessed him) and all whilst I’m trying to deep breath, oh and did I mention I am tired, like very tired, so tired even tears hurt.
So then I head back home and the bloomin washing machine (which I somehow managed to fill with towels and switch on, not sure how,as I have no recollection of actually doing it) has started spewing bubbles all over the kitchen floor. I did however discover that the suds actually have your tiles looking sparkly amazingly clean, that’s a good housekeeping tip for you, just lift a bottle of Persil and fling it round your kitchen rather than bother with actual floor cleaner.
Before picking Ella up from school and then going to her Ballet practice I nipped to the shopping centre to get my Mum some birthday cards. I parked up, got the little man – still wailing and flinging toys round the car in protest – into his pram, walked in and headed to Boots, got some wipes and baby bath and headed to the car, went onto the school and then realised I didn’t even get what I headed there for in the first place. Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh. (a lot of flavourable words where now flowing from my mouth).
Feeling totally beaten by the day I decided to try and attempt to eat my dinner. I started pouring my drink out, stopped to get some baby wipes for Cameron as he was plastering his head with his food, went back to finish pouring my drink and instead of pouring it into my glass, I was pouring it over my bloody dinner!!!!! I mean seriously, how much of a muppet could I have been. Coke covered curry boiled rice. Just what I need.
Then, to top it all off, my phone’s screen cracked….. There where several WTF’s in my vocabulary as you can imagine. I decided to take myself to bed, surely the world is safe from there.
So there you have it. I’ll see your hot mess and raise you a walking disaster.